Crump Dingler The Funk Wringler

-Biographical Entry

Crump Dingler The Funk Wringler was an evil man.

 He was the kind of person that puts dog poo in a burning bag and leaves it on your wall's front patio pool step door. He was awful. He killed the Coresasasians and would wring their heads off of their feeble bodies and their purple psychadelical gloopy liquid would ooze from their neckhole. This was called biofunk. The very essence that makes us who we are, what we inhale. This biofunk was is is now how the is what provided for the Coresasasians and their feeble bodies. Their seizures of eternal slumber had put them into such a state that the one thing that kept their lives going was the biofunk. Crump was an Anti-Funkler, an enemy of the funk, a traitor, a knobslonkeling funklonker. He was a murderer. He killed many men, draining the funk from their lives.

Anti-Funklers are not uncommon as you think. The Anti-Funklers come from the dark depths of the drainage pipes and the manholes and the other dark bits and bnobblers of every day life and they wring the funk out of the Polygons and the Coresasasians and all the others and the mothers and the brothers and on and on until the funk is gone and life is a hollow shell of nothing. This is the entire reason why funkchildren are so rare these days. Even if you have almost every single funk, one funkle can be tainted and the entire funkchild is dropped into the depths of Nonexistence. There is no way to save funk. This is the entire purpose of the IGLE, the Intergalactic Law Enforcement, also known by the street name, igloos. The IGLEs are there to detain Anti-Funklers and send them to the Darkest Polygon, where the Cosmic Duke resides. They throw the villain upon the bread. The Duke devours the Anti-Funkler, fueling his Funksoul for many more years.

Image below: Anti-Funkleristic Act of Funkslaughter, Jonupoly Tunth, 1985.