The Clayman Revolt (Or, How I Blatantly Refuse to Write About Things People Request)

The day Easter(n) Wind blew west was the day the Minnesota Contenent, ultimately, shriveled up and died. Bodies of Minnesotean land decayed and it's indigious peoples, the Claymen, were strewn about the atmophone. The Gentle Mollusk awaited patiently his own demise and with a gasp, disappeared, as all good things, regardless of how good, come to an end. And with him fell the Minnesota Continent. Some refugees managed to get out of the decaying half-donutesque planet and onto Aerth which rested in the Flower Continent, where the remnants were met with disrespect, seeing it as they were from warring continents, and were forced to live under inhumane conditions. This ultimately led to the Clayman Revolt. Shaken as the refugees were from all that had happened, they sought a man responisble for this action. Blinded by apathy they went ahead and captured Easter Wind and decaptated him, despite his efforts to explain that it was actually the Cosmic Duke that broke their favored thing or whatever. As much fun as murder and anarchy were, the Clayman peasants were, intrestingly enough, joined by men who's fates resided higher up in the hierarchy of the Flower Continent and began a worldwide revolt against alot of things that they didn't agree with I think, formely known as the Clayman Revolt. 

Upon receiving further news of the Continent's demolition and the rallying of the Claymen peasants, the paranoid Duke responded by putting the blame on high-ranking political officials, Manichaeans, and those who opposed his rule in general, mainly the radical leftist group (Dukist-Cannonist Commitee) the Duke created alongside American Trotskyist, James Cannon, which they both, were presently a part of, and afterwards flooded Central Asia in a bet he made with Roald Dahl. When things simmered down, he resurrected Easter Wind using console commands, but later changed his name to Blue 5, despite his apparent delicious yellow coating, and used him as artificial coloring in yogurts as punishment for ratting him out to the Claymen during his execution.

The revolt led to the overthrow of the Autonomous Republic of Aerth, and despite pleading help from other planets, the rest of the Flower Continent seemed totally indifferent towards Aerth. Aerth was now ruled by a pagan theocracy, as all of the Minnesota Continent once was, which was the main reason the Duke had destroyed it, anyway. Aerth had been renamed to Barlaam, Aerthians were persecuted and killed, and the Cosmic Duke was asleep. Many instances of the Duke were present at that time, like 12, but they were all actively engaged in a century-long game of mancala and didn't want to get out of their way to help mortals. After 14 centuries of ongoing war against the Aerthians, Aerth's native kinsmen were at an all-time low, forced to live in the wilderness and away from newly erected cities. Soon after, the Cosmic Duke woke up and threw all of himselves in the fireplace and shaved all the fur he had grown from his cosmic hibernation. There was so much clatter coming from Barlaam, which he blamed for waking him, that he flooded it with menstrual blood and populated it with crocodiles.